Longing

The Oxford English Dictionary defines longing as:

n. a strong wish to do or have something.

Longing is one of those words which I'm sure must confuse people who don't speak English as their first language. Long, the word is most commonly used to describe distance, not a state of being. But for me it most accurately describes my outlook on life.

In the present moment I long for many things, most of them unachievable.
I long to be somewhere else than I currently am.
I long to be free of the tyranny of being a wage slave.
I long for the innocence of youth and the simplicity of my childhood.
I long for my mother to be alive and I long for my ex to pick up the phone and let me know he's thinking of me.

But longing doesn't get us anywhere. As they say; if wishes were horses, beggars would ride. If I got my wishes who knows what madness would ensue.

Last night I had a series of dreams about my mum which left me feeling a huge sense of loss upon waking. I can't recall what it was the dreams were about, just that I was talking to her as if everything were as it was before she died. These memories make me long to be able to call and hear her voice. To be able to see her and smell her. To feel her arms hold me and tell me everything will be alright.

But life isn't like that and no amount of longing will change what is now, what has been and what is yet to come.